Words are powerful.
If you ask any mother who has experienced a pregnancy loss, "What's something insensitive you were told afterward?" believe me, she'll have an answer.
However, miscarriage is a profound loss which only those who have walked the path truly understand. Without personal experience, its easy to accidentally offer up words which lack support and compassion.
Words have a remarkable ability to offer solace, validation, and support to those who have just had a miscarriage. They can help us feel seen, heard, and held in our darkest moments, offering a glimmer of hope amidst the pain. I've gathered some words that I hope will bring comfort to the grieving Mama in your life:
1. "I'm So Sorry for Your Loss."
As heartfelt as possible, express your sincere condolences for the loss your friend has experienced. Let her know that her baby's life, no matter how brief, held immeasurable value, and you mourn alongside her. Even if it's incredibly difficult for you to understand what your friend is experiencing, letting her know that you see her miscarriage as a legitimate loss can be deeply validating.
Offering to listen and be there for someone who has just experienced a miscarriage, without judgment or expectation, creates a safe environment for healing. Allow your friend to share her thoughts, fears, or memories, if and when she feels ready. Her story matters, and she may simply be waiting for someone to invite it's telling.
3. "It's Not Your Fault."
The weight of guilt and self-blame can be unbearable after a miscarriage. It's essential to emphasize that this loss is not their fault. Miscarriages often occur due to factors beyond our human control, such as genetic abnormalities or medical conditions. Reinforcing that pregnancy loss is not your friend's fault can help release her from blame she may be carrying. Remind her that she deserves compassion and understanding, not self-condemnation.
4. "I'm Just Here Thinking of You."
Letting someone know you are thinking of them during this difficult time can be a simple yet powerful gesture of support. In the midst of this challenging time, let her know that she is held in your thoughts and/or prayers. Though you may not be physically present, you can send a text, email, or card to let her know that she is not forgotten in her pain. Remind her that you are holding space for her as she navigates this painful journey.
5. "Can I help you with _____?"
The weight of grief can be overwhelming, and sometimes even the simplest tasks feel insurmountable.
- Offer to cook nourishing meals or organize a meal train through a free website like MealTrain.com.
- Help with her laundry, dishes, or other household chores to lighten their load.
- Run errands on her behalf, such as picking up groceries or medications.
- Send flowers or balloons to brighten her their day and remind her that you're thinking of her family.
- Consider thoughtful Mother's Day gifts or Father’s Day gifts to honor her and her partner's roles as a parents and acknowledge the connection they had with their baby.
- Remember what should have been her due date and reach out to offer support and comfort during that time. (You can easily do this by clicking “Free July27 Reminders” in the bottom right corner of www.myjuly27.com. We’ll send you yearly reminders to reach out to your loved ones on their significant dates).
- Offer prayer, heartfelt hugs, and a listening ear to let her know she is not alone.
- Send a coffee shop gift card to provide her with a small indulgence and a moment of comfort.
6. "Let Me Know If You Want a Distraction."
During times of sorrow, finding moments of respite can be essential for our healing. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone going through a tough time is to offer a gentle reprieve from the weight of grief. Remember that everyone grieves differently, so your friend may not want or need a distraction right away. Just let them know that you are ready to offer solace and moments of respite whenever she needs it.
7. "Take All the Time You Need."
The path to healing is deeply personal, and not just one right way to grieve exists. Some people find solace in taking quiet moments of reflection while others discover comfort in staying busy. Please let your friend know that there is no rush to move forward. Allow her the grace and space to process her emotions at her own pace, leaving no pressure to "get over" her loss.
If you could only communicate one truth to your Mama friend grieving a miscarriage, please let her know that she is not alone.
If you’re looking for a meaningful and supportive sympathy gift for a miscarriage, to honor a baby's memory, MyJuly27 would be honored to handcraft a beautiful piece of pregnancy loss jewellery or miscarriage artwork.
Additionally, our website offers an extensive, personalized guide to no-cost resources and recommendations curated with heartfelt intention. No one should grieve and heal on their own, so we've compiled a list of no-cost counseling opportunities, financial assistance programs, and community resources.
With love and compassion,
Owner of MyJuly27